Category: Marine Corps Stories

A Staff Sergeant walks into sick bay and asks the navy doctor for a vasectomy. "I been married for ten years. I got twelve kids. I think its time I got a vasectomy." The doctor raises his eyebrows and says, "yeah. I'd say its time. How about next week, Tuesday at 1400." The Marine nods. Now the Marine has been on leave for three weeks and he is from the Air Det., so his hair is long and he was wearing civvies. The doctor says, "All I need is your name, Petty Officer…?"  The Marine is taken-aback. “Petty Officer?! Petty Officer?!!!  I’m a Marine Corps Staff Sergeant, OoRaw! I deserve the respect owed to a Marine!”  The navy doctor looks shocked and a little paniced.  “You are a Marine?! Shoot. I’m sorry.”  The Marine says, “No problem Sir. Just don’t make the same mistake twice.”  But the doctor says, “No. You don’t understand.”  He closes the door and lowers his voice.  “You aren’t supposed to know about this, but navy doctors only perform vasectomies on sailors.  Marines perform vasectomies on themselves.”  The Marine takes a step back, “Uh…that’s Ok Sir. I’m hard Corps but I’d appreciate if you do all the cutting.”  The Doctor responds, “there is no ‘cutting’.”  The doctor opens the desk drawer and pulls out a canteen cup and a firecracker.  He instructs the Marine, “All you have to do is light this fire cracker, drop it into the cup, hold it to your right ear and count to ten. That’s your Marine Corps vasectomy.”  The Marine looks puzzled. “Doc, I don’t get the connection.”  The doctor reassures him that there is a connection.  The Marine takes the cup and firecracker and gives the doc a wary, “Aye, aye”.  He goes home and tells his wife. She doesn’t believe it.  “Navy doctors aren’t enough. You need a civilian doctor’s second opinion.”  So remembering the confusion from the first encounter with the doctor, he goes out and gets a high and tight. He gets into his Dress Blues and walks into the civilian doctor’s office. “I’m a Marine Corps Staff Sergeant.  I need my self a vasectomy, OORAW!”  The civilian doctor says, “No problem.”  He pulls open a drawer and pulls out a cup and firecracker and gives the Marine the same instructions, “Light this firecracker, hold it to your right ear and count to ten.”  The Marine salutes and says, “Second opinion”.  He goes home and tells his wife.  In disbelief she says, “Are you SURE the directions are right?”  He says “yes”.  She asks, “Well. Are you ready?”  He thinks for a second, “Yep”.  The wife hands him the cup and lights the firecracker.  She drops it into the cup.  He holds it to his right ear and he begins to count off with his left hand, “one, two, three, four, five…”  A paniced look crosses his face but he quickly solves the problem by transferring the cup to be held between his legs and continues to count with the right hand, “six, seven, eight,….” read more