Tonight, as a United States Marine with 3 combat tours to Afghanistan, a Bronze Star w/ “V” for valor (heroism), Purple Heart, and 2 Navy Achievement Medals for actions in Afghanistan… I thought about SUICIDE. I didn’t think about it because I thought life was too hard. I didn’t think about it because I didn’t think I could conquer whatever obstacle lies ahead. After all, what can stop a Marine…Nothing.
I thought about it because after all my years of service, training to fight and fighting on our nations behalf of freedom and safety I found myself not in service to my true calling, my obligation, my oath to protect this nation. I found myself laying on my barracks room floor, wishing I was still in Afghanistan. Remembering the harsh nights of rain, hail, and snow over our heads as our mud hut that we fought so hard to get, caved in on us… I truly missed those nights. For in that misery, among the cursing and laughter I felt my soul [if one could say we have one], at peace. I was serving my purpose. I was doing what needed to be done, not because it was easy, but because it was hard. All the talking and chest bumping couldn’t put a man in my shoes that night. It was OUR night, the night of gladiators. But those days and nights have passed and as I go from one medical appointment to the next, not training Marines about things I’ve learned through blood and sweat, dealing with all the people who tell me what they would have done in war, getting all the advice from people who have never been on the receiving end of enemy fire on how to deal with my nightmares and of course being belittled by your local 1st Sgt, I think what is my purpose now? To wait around and be forgotten? To have my experience and expertise washed away in my mistakes?
As a Marine, as a defender of nations and preserver of freedom I feel misplaced with idol hands. I feel left behind by a country who promised me peace after war… As I laid on my floor thinking about it, I decided not to be one of the 22 (who committed suicide everyday). I decided that if the nation and Corps have forgotten about me then so be it. But they are not the world, or my end aspirations in life. And I want everyone of you veterans out there of every service to remember. Your life doesn’t stop when your initial purpose is completed. You simply need to re-orientate and attack a new objective. Take the peace you have earned and go after your dreams that you have fought so hard to preserve.
If I help one veteran from giving the pricks the satisfaction then my courage in writing this message will have served its purpose.
Semper Fi,
Cpl Eric Stump
USMC
0311/0351​
Absolutely fantastic Cpl Stump. Great words of inspiration to those that read this. I am glad you remembered the words your Senior Drill Instructor told you on pick up day. Above all else you must never quit, or give up, for we offer you the challenge and the right to become a United States Marine. Don’t quit on life and don’t quit on yourself. Semper Fidelis
SgtMaj Conrad Potts (Ret) love ya brother and thank you for your service and all you did for our country.
Semper Fidelis Cpl. Stump , God bless you, Cpl. Milan USMC
Cpl Stump thank you for your service and sharing your thoughts about suicide. Many people who have served in forward areas share those same feelings and contribute to the number of suicides by veterans that are 50% higher than the general population.
These statistics are frightening and led us to create The 22 Project which helps treat veterans with PTS and TBI. The Project offers veterans a course of hyperbaric oxygen treatments (HBOT) free to veterans. In addition we augment these treatments with fellowship gatherings of veterans enlisted and officers alike from different generations, services and walks of life.
As a Marine veteran of the Vietnam era, I feel a responsibility of helping all of our veterans recover from these hidden wounds of war. For anyone interested please go the website:
Support22Ptoject.org
John Gullman
USMC 1970-1976
Well said brother thank you for service stay strong and hold your head high well deserved.
Sgt Boldt
Cpl. Stump, your words of wisdom are so very well put.
I am sure I am old enough to be your father and I am surely proud to be your brother.
The hardships you experienced in the Corps are the reasons you obviously continue to fight. I/we will never forget those tough times, that’s why we are who we are today; the few the proud.
After 22 years/retiring in 1990, memories still haunt me from losing three Marines (machine gun team) on May 15, 1975 on KohTang Island in Southeast Asia. Your words have helped me some, thank you.
Semper Fi,
CWO-3 USMC Retired
After the corp I became a police officer 20 years retired as a Sgt. At one point I couldn’t see a body that was in plain sight. Their is help and it does help. I have been out for 51 yrs but still a Cpl still Marine.
Semper fi brother – we as veterans DO have a continuing mission to help and protect our marine brothers and sisters – the threat is still VERY real and VERY deadly.
Keep fighting, we NEED you!!!
Semperfi Brother thanks for your service give your self to Jesus Christ and find a good church you will find all your answers I appreciate you and you still have a lot to give to this world to ever give up when man has given up on you once again thank you for your service and Semperfi ????
Thanks Eric for your story. And we all have our stories brother. It takes courage to do that and much respect to you Marine for sharing. I am so very glad you are here in the world with the living. We are all here to serve on someway. Just a different way to serve. You have already done your time in hell. Welcome home brother and Semper Fi!
Cpl. Stump,
More than ever, our country needs men of courage, honor, and integrity. Our country needs you every day m, right where you are, to set the standard for those that do not know of such things. Carry on Marine. God bless you!
Cpl. Stump, thank you for your courage in sharing your thoughts about suicide. When we talk about a mission in life, we should remember our mission IS life. The courage, determination and devotion to duty you exhibited in Alfghanistan didn’t end there. As Veterans, there are many of our Brothers in arms here at home that need our support and encouragement. Use your strength and commitment to help them. In addition, we as a society still need people like you to step up and make a difference. The Marine Corps and our country is still lucky to have you. Never give in to thoughts of suicide and never give up. Semper Fidelis.
Cpl. Stump,
You made me think of a long forgotten phrase “Illegitimi non carborundum”, you may have heard it. It’s a translation from (street) Latin meaning “Don’t let the bastards wear you down” !!! For a looooong time after 2 “tours” in Nam I had to keep repeating that phrase in my head. Sounds like you did the same in your own way.
OUTSTANDING !!! Carry on 😉
SEMPER Fi
Sgt. Bob D.
Cpl. Stump, first and foremost Semper Fi; I left the Corp 9/11/1964 from A 1/9 #rd Mar Div. Spent two tours on the Rock. during my time there I went TDY as an instructor for Jungle Warfare, Repelling and Weapons. Marines weren’t the only ones given the training, but men from the 503-173 Airborne as well. Here’s my short story, ever since 1st Batt 1/9 is referred to as the Walking Dead I’ve suffered from survivor’s guilt. I still have nightmares of guilt feeling of why am I still here and many of those Marines I trained are names on the Wall. I’ve attempted suicide twice, but failed, not because I didn’t do so 100 %, but because my Higher Power wouldn’t allow me to cowards-way out. Too be sure Cpl. Stump, there’s a purpose for you and the mission can’t be completed if you’re not leading your squad. USMC 4/13/60 to 9/11/64. 0311; 0331.
Semper Fi even if Hell freezes over.
Great story Eric! Just remember that’s one chapter of our story tomorrow will start a new story.
Sgt Singleton
Corp Stump
Listen to Sgt. Singleton, he speaks from the heart. As a fellow Marine and Viet Nam Vet, I know that there is more to life then just the one chapter. I left the Corp after my intial enlistment and started my new career, only to once again join the ranks of the few and proud many years later prior to the start of the Iraq War. Life is many chapters and you , having experienced the conflict and hardship of war have much to offer those who may just be getting started. Hold your head high and go forth and leave your mark on the world. You are amongst the nations finest and it is obvious you have much to share.
Semper Fi
Sgt. T. Golden
Semper Fi Cpl Stump! It took a lot of courage to share your thoughts with us but as you can see the Corps is a brotherhood of men and women who have come together at some point in their lives to challenge themselves to become Marines and serve this great nation of ours. Thank you for your service brother! I don’t think any of us wants to leave the Corps but time has way of moving along and we all move on with it. The brotherhood stays strong though “Once a Marine, always a Marine” is true and there is always a handshake and Semper Fi when we meet out in the world. Never forget that you have fellow Marines young and old, combat vets or not who will be there to help if you ask. You have my word on that!
Cpl. Stump , first of all, thank you for your service, second, thank you for not taking your own life. My name is Robbins, I was in during Viet Nam, I enlisted on my 17th birthday, my older brother, who is a Marine also, was home on leave from his tour of duty in Nam. So he went with me when I went to the recruiters office, didn’t want me getting screwed over, you know. I went to boot on the 29th of October 1969, was in platoon 3199, at MCRD San Diego. Graduated boot on 6 Jan ’70 and went to ITR at Pendleton. Graduated ITR around the first of Feb. went home for boot leave for 20 days. After which I went back to Pendleton for schooling as a Motor T mechanic/truck driver. After school was assigned to a maintenance co. right there at Pendleton, right by the airstrip, they had a set of orders for some motor t guys to go across the pond, so up went my hand, I couldn’t go because I was only 17, I was pissed, they said they would send me as far as Okinawa but I said no thanks. I joined the Corps because I wanted to go to Nam, never did get to go, people tell me how blessed I was, or lucky, but I was still pissed. I felt frustrated about not going, knowing that there were guys there that didn’t want to be there, they still had the draft at that time. Anyway, long story short, I stayed state side my entire time of 3 years in the Corps, dealing with my frustration just about every single day I was in. Even after all this time now, I wished I could’ve gone over there and served, but I know now that I wasn’t in charge of my life then or now. There’s someone greater that’s in charge of all of our lives, no matter whether we believe it or not,(I choose to believe). So He had a different plan for my life, and I’m so glad he did.
Congratulations on being a Marine first and foremost, I think we are the greatest fighting force in the world and always will be. I hope you’ll continue living your life, be it one day at a time, and just be the best you that you can be, you have an awesome testimony and I thank you for sharing it and hope you’ll continue sharing it, all the days of your life until you’re called up yonder, Semper Fi my brother, and may God bless you .
CPL. STUMP YOU ARE NOT ALONE . YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THE WORLD’S FINEST. I HAD THE SAME THOUGHTS ON MY RETURN FROM VIETNAM. I REDIRECTED MY ENERGY TO OTHER THINGS. PEACE AND BLESSINGS MY WARRIOR BROTHER AND SEMPER FI. SGT. ISAAC THOMAS USMC 1967 – 1971.
Cpl Stump,
Thank you for writing this instead of falling into the black hole, so many other veterans have. Thank you for your service to our country and Corps. Know that what you felt and are feeling is real, is not unheard of, and as you are doing; can be motivation to conquer anything in your path for the rest of your life!
Keep on marching my brother, and never ever forget many of us Marines and veterans of other branches are here for you. Many of us have there and know there is a huge spotlight at the end of the tunnel, encouraging you to use what you know to be true to not only help yourself, but others just like you. I am encouraged that young men such as you are still among the few, the proud.
Semper Fi!
Jeanette Haynes
SSgt USMC
Desert Storm veteran
Cpl Stump, Semper Fi Marine and thank you for service to our wonderful and beautiful country. Remember this, everyone has a purpose in life, but there are many who never find out what that purpose is. You did and you performed heroically. You don’t have to be working at or on that purpose every day of your life to be considered successful. We all go through stages in our life as we grow up through childhood and into adulthood, and as we grow, we hopefully find what that purpose is, and you did. You may not always be able to be an active warrior, but you’ll always be a Marine. And that’s enough. Semper Fi Marine. Cpl Mike Kunkel. 0331 Lima 3/8. 81-85
Cpl Stump: Wise words well said. This tough experience has made you invincible. The Marine Corps serves as a rock solid foundation for a successful career in civilian life. Be sure to use your VA benefits. I have taught at several colleges and know that a man of your character can build a great career. The best is yet to come.
Semper Fi,
Dan Summitt
USMC 73 – 81
Cpl Stump, as the previous writers have stated thank you for your service. I’m also a VIETNAM VET 1970-1971. As you can probably remember our return to the REAL WORLD wasn’t always the kindest that we would have wished for. I fought great bouts of depression, anxiety and pure hatred for the people who dishonored our colors, our service and foremost our dead heroes. I was and still am a proud MARINE and I fought a little different fight than the one you fought within yourself, I wanted revenge. I wanted to kill those who spit at us. It took all I could muster to not kill the fools who didn’t understand what they were trying unleash. I used the wisdom/ the grit instilled in me by my D.I.s to never give up to overcome these desires and not ruin my life. I’m glad I did because of the two great kids I raised and the grand kids I now have. What I’m saying BROTHER IS DON’T LET THE FOOLS WIN KEEP FIGHTING FOR WHAT IS RIGHT AND RIGHTEOUS. Live brother, gain peace with yourself and enjoy a fruitful life. SEMPER FI FOR LIFE, CPL Dale R. McNett. p.s. seek out a local Marine Corps League detachment for the support and brotherhood
Thank you brother for your willingness to be so honest and once again Brave in telling your story. Fighting that demon is a real and repeated battle for many. And your words of wisdom to help make it through are spot on. That’s what I had to do to survive as well.
Semper Fi Brother
SSgt D J Sugden Retired
Somolia-Iraq
1992-2007
God be with you, Cpl. Stump.
I can’t speak with any authority in this forum, but I can say that I am glad that you lived to fight another day. I was only the son of a Marine; I could not serve due to a hole in my head (make yer own jokes!) that I received from a bike accident when I was a teenager. I never had the honor of training, sweating, bleeding, fighting, and living to see another day with fellow Marines. I envy you in many ways. The greatest thing my father ever said to me was “You’d have been a fine Marine.” We were climbing stone stairs in sub-freezing temperature, and I was in shorts and on crutches due to a broken leg. After that I couldn’t even feel the cold. Anyway, some advice my father gave me: “You can’t re-live yesterday. Live right now and plan for tomorrow.” When I was in ICU after my bike accident (and everyone thought I was on the short list) he told me, “This sucks, right now for you, but don’t imagine that you have it worse that anyone else out there. Somewhere on this Earth, another human being imagines that they are living in hell. That person is up against the United States Marines. Keep moving.” When he said this, his voice had all the steel and calm that carried with it the confidence of Saint Michael himself. It carried me through the next day and gave me the strength I needed to walk out of ICU after 6 days.
Keep your chin up, knowing that the US Marine is blessed in more ways than the rest of us. You will not fail because you are not trained to fail. You were chosen for great things. If you are ever in central Texas, I would welcome you in my house and help in whatever way I can. Peace be with you. Semper Fi.
I could not agree more with what you shared, Dr. Brousseau. There is a steadiness and certainty behind the words of a Marine that is impactful in the highest degree, especially when we are feeling down or want to quit. Marines always seem to find a way to draw their inner strength and push others to find that inner strength as well. They bring out the best in all of us. Sounds like we have learned a lot from Marines and will continue to do so. Best wishes!
God be with you, Cpl. Stump.
I can’t speak with any authority in this forum, but I can say that I am glad that you lived to fight another day. I was only the son of a Marine; I could not serve due to a hole in my head (make yer own jokes!) that I received from a bike accident when I was a teenager. I never had the honor of training, sweating, bleeding, fighting, and living to see another day with fellow Marines. I envy you in many ways. The greatest thing my father ever said to me was “You’d have been a fine Marine.” We were climbing stone stairs in sub-freezing temperature, and I was in shorts and on crutches due to a broken leg. After that I couldn’t even feel the cold. Anyway, some advice my father gave me: “You can’t re-live yesterday. Live right now and plan for tomorrow.” When I was in ICU after my bike accident (and everyone thought I was on the short list) he told me, “This sucks, right now for you, but don’t imagine that you have it worse that anyone else out there. Somewhere on this Earth, another human being imagines that they are living in hell. That person is up against the United States Marines. Keep moving.” When he said this, his voice had all the steel and calm that carried with it the confidence of Saint Michael himself. It carried me through the next day and gave me the strength I needed to walk out of ICU after 6 days.
Keep your chin up, knowing that the US Marine is blessed in more ways than the rest of us. You will not fail because you are not trained to fail. You were chosen for great things. If you are ever in central Texas, I would welcome you in my house and help in whatever way I can. Peace be with you. Semper Fi.
p.s. You tell your story with elegance and strength. Please consider writing, in service to others.
Cpl Stump thank you for your service and I truly hope you heed the words of advice and shared experiences from fellow Marines whom have taken time to post on your thread. What you wrote was very inspiring and insightful to many who cannot begin to understand what you have been through and continue to deal with emotionally. In light of your forthcoming post, I can speak for many and say we are so glad you are still with us and simply stated just keep reminding yourself that you will make it through. It goes without saying, Marine, that you are a very capable individual equipped with incredible skills, quick thinking, and knowledge that many of us who have not served in the military cannot hope to possess. While your environment has changed, you have not. Your purpose continues into a civilian role, even if you are not sure what exactly that is just yet. Or maybe you do! Inspiration hits at the most unexpected times… Either way, it is evident you have a lot of support and that comes from Marine vets but also, from us Civies too, who respect and admire all of your sacrifices. What you have accomplished and continue to do is never undersold, nor under appreciated. Semper Fi.
Hayley, civie/daughter of a Marine
CPL. Stump,
I can’t hope to write the fine advice of the Marines’ notes preceding this one, but here goes. I left the Corps in 1963 to return home to my dying father, who had enlisted in the Marine Corps in 1942, the worst of times of the Corps in the Pacific. That took a lot of guts as you and the above letter writers share, in doing your duty as you see it. I was 2 at the time, but that’s what the greatest generation did, and what Marines and other servicemen and women have done for a very long time. Dad came home with a lasting pride in the Corps, and is probably the reason I enlisted, as my son did, and my grandson did, who left the Corps a few years age. We can see your pride still exists, but problems still remain. My advice is for you to find a Bible, every good hotel has one in each room, keep it, the Gideons don’t mind because you need it more than the hotel does, and read the book of John. Then discuss it with a friend, a pastor, or another family member. There is always hope, after doing your duty, but peace is sometimes hard to find. Your country will always be proud of you, and all our servicemen. You should share your testimony with many others needing similar help. Be well always and Semper Fi.
OUTFREAKINGSTANDING letter Corporal. I know it will help many. It did me.
Been there brother.
After Nam it was tough, but set out everyday with a goal and achieve that goal and life gets better.
Semper Fi
Stay sharp, fit, trained and ready like a fire alarm. Break glass only in time of war.
Corporal, those words of encouragement and not giving up in life are something we all need. Personally I had those thoughts many times, but for some reason there’s always a real story of encouragement just like yours. Thank you for sharing it with all of us.
Corporal USMC 90-94 3/9 kilo Co.
CPL. Eric Stump,
May your strength, honesty and courage be the strength for many others. I am very proud of you. Thank you for your service, fighting for our country, and the sacrifices you have made. Remember your honor, valor, and pride starts with you.
God Bless you.
Terese
A daughter and niece of USMC veterans.
Cpl Eric Stump, Good man and well said. Whether in uniform or a set of civies, you have demonstrated that you are a contender, a survivor and as well a standard bearer to others who would follow your lead. Semper Fi brother Sgt. Richard Moore USMC 1973-77
I was in the CORPS 1968-1972. I did a tour in Vietnam. I can tell you Marine there is much to life after active duty in the USMC. I am very proud to have served as you should be. I will leave you with this; I don’t know where you stand with Almighty God but the chief end of man is to glorify God and His Son Jesus Christ, and to enjoy Him forever… Simper fi Marine! God bless you. and press on.
Wow! After a short glance of a few sentences I was pulled in to this article. It was like you took a story from the book of my life. Unfortunately, this is a lot of our stories. Struggling with the barriers of depression and suicidal ideations, yet trying to overcome cloudy thoughts and find that sense of purpose again. I found it in being a father, but as time has gone by my children have grown too. I will continue to push on and journey to achieve greater. I really appreciate you sharing your story with us. OOOrah!!!
Cpl Stump congrats for surviving all the worst that the villains could throw at you! I entered the Corps in Jun 60 and exited in Jun 73 on my own terms. I was not the best the Corps has ever had and hopefully not the worst. I did my best but the PFT did me in. Two tours plus in the Air Wing, 1st as paper pusher in VMFA 542 (F3’s) 2nd in HMH-462 (CH53A’s) Neither as a direct combatant. As I left in 73 it was scary. Had many ideas what I wanted to do. A wife and 2 girls to support. I chose to be a Mortician where I hopefully could help folks who were suffering probably the most traumatic events of their lives unlike what you experienced. I did this for 14 years and burned out. Joined the National Guard, finished 8.5 years and full retirement. Find something that excites you and benefits humanity one way or the other. The Corps gave you the tools and determination to succeed in whatever you choose. Thanks for being all of our hero and Good Luck. I am fighting the worst fight I’ve ever had-Widowhood at 77 after 47 years. Semper Fi-You Can Do It!!
Corporal Stump,
Thank you first, for your service and sacrifice, and welcome home. Secondly, thank you for your wise and courageous words. Many of us have been in your shoes unfortunately. Though our stories are all unique in how and why we got there, how we proceed is sometimes the toughest battle of all. I was in the Marines from 1994 to 1998. I barely missed Somalia and got out before Iraq and Afghanistan. I joined the fire department after the Corps and then Sept 11th happened (I worked nowhere nesr New York). After 22 years in the fire service and long past my prime as a 300 PFT Sgt in the U.S.M.C., I still have never felt like I fulfilled my purpose. I have suffered from survivors guilt for not being in the places where I was needed or thought I should be. I, also, have lay on the floor many times with my mind the wreck of the battlefield that I may have very well created for myself. Yet, I just wanted to meet my ultimate test and prove to myself that I was worthy of the titles I had earned. Earned, my brother, not been given… You have earned that title, more than I and many others. Yet, as I fought off those nagging feelings and thoughts, I have realized (or convinced myself) that I played my part. I taught many young Marines, as an Infantry Squad Leader, and just hopefully, that kept some of them alive and safe. Or made them the thorn in the side of our enemies that we train to be and sent them to meet there maker in honor of our fallen brothers. Either way, I am more proud today, than the day I stepped on the Yellow Footprints, and I grow prouder everyday.
We may never completely lose that dark feeling (although I hope we all do), but we must make sure to not be one of the 22! And pledge to instead help ourselves and our fellow veterans to also not become one of the 22. Stay proud my brother, and stay strong. Your purpose for your future will come clear when it is time. Be ready Marine! You were born to fight and trained to win. Keep you head high and chest out, and know that you will. Uour words alone have already helped so many, including myself. Your purpose is forming…
Semper Fi,
Sgt Williams
I cant be there with you but in spirit I will be. I served nam 66-67.I get it.there seems to be a hole insidethat keeps aching. probably like you said survivers guilt even though we went through it.out of the corp something seems undone unfinished.my wife thinks I am watching tv, but my mind is back there.
Corporal Stump,
Thomas McGinnis,
Thank You both for your service. Semper Fidelis! I also a Marine, Viet Nam, 1967 -68. An air winger! I loved my MOS! I too have had feelings of a hole, not so much from combat, just life. Never really got to the point of taking my life. I joined the Marines in high school, on a 120 day delay plan. After I graduated from high school, but before I went to boot camp, my grandmother gave me a personalized bible. This bible went with me where ever the Marine Corps sent me. I the back of my bible was a section called ‘Concordance’. As I learned, it is like a reference to where in the bible you can find guidance for the feelings that you may be having and want some direction as to what you can do to help guide you in the correct direction. I strongly encourage anyone and everyone to read the bible, seek help from a pastor, a priest, a rabbi, a veterans organization, or ANYONE else that you feel can LISTEN to you.
Again, Semper Fidelis, and GO WITH GOD,
Frank
Dan Norden Cpl-1969-1964
To Corporal Stump and all those who served in combat, my thoughts and prayers are with you daily. Semper Fi
Cpl Stump , Try to keep in mind that it’s not The Corps that’s f……. Up . The corps and decisions made are too often controlled by shit head politicians . I worked 28 years for a utility that referred to me as being ” overly patriotic ” when they couldn’t find any other crap to run me down about . Life is tuff and you proved how tuff you are sleeping and fighting in the rain and mud , that part was physical , now you have to show the pricks how mentally tuff you are . When I was going through my first ” D” I was getting screwed over bad , really depressed and one day I found myself walking through an old wooded area where frontier people had been . I happened upon a grave site where there was a tomb stone the size of a brick . On it was a mans name ? with the dates 1903 to 1903 . It was a dark dreary day but as I looked around I realized all the thing that I could see and do that this guy never got the chance to see or do . Go hunting, go shooting , go swimming , go fishing , get laid ! Eat a big greasy cheeseburger . Stop by my house and help me with this bottle of bourbon , I can’t drink like I used to :}Its a liberal world / its not our world but some where there is a place for us .
Cpl Stump, I salute you for writing sharing your pain and thoughts. This will help “heal” many of our stressed minds and bodies. I understand some of what you are experiencing. I served in Nam in 1969 and much on 1970. I am one of the lucky ones who returned “whole” in body and mind.
With your permission, I would like to share your story with my Virginia state and with my federal representatives. All elected officials need to hear these stories.
Semper Fi to my sisters, brothers, and family members of all services.